Traveling

Last Wednesday through Friday I was in Los Angeles for work for Icon, I was able to spend some time with a very close friend Drea. I love being with her, she is such an awesome example to me, and I'm comfortable with her. I'm not a big talker, and she makes it comfortable to just sit in silence with her. My favorite people to be around are those I can just be me with...without having to fill awkward silences. Thanks Drea for picking me up and spending your day with me! I loved seeing you!

This was my first time having to get around somewhere outside of Utah on my own. I was very intimidated at first, but made it through. Then I got to come home and spend a little time with Aspen and Ashton on Saturday and Sunday - we had a great weekend together, Aspen had a little birthday party on Saturday at Altius Gym, and my amazing friend Michelle took care of pretty much the whole party activities for me. She knows me well enough to know I would have nothing planned, and that I would be very uncomfortable trying to make the kids have fun (LOL) so she took the initiative and made the party incredible. Aspen had a fun time, and Ashton and I both agreed that it was worth the money to rent out the place for the party. All the kids had a great time, and it was less stress on us as the parents.

Monday morning I had to fly to Vegas for some more work stuff, and I rented a car all on my own, and drove through vegas to my hotel and the stores I needed to make it to. I was so scared about doing this. I hate driving, and I can't hardly even drive around Salt Lake, so my anxiety was high, but I'm glad I had to do it because now I'm not so scared to do it the next time. Ashton drove to vegas and came to stay with me Monday night, it was so much fun and I loved having him there with me. We went to the Bellagio Buffett (Which always sounds better then it tastes...bummer) but we had a great time together, and it was nice to just have a couple hours together without any interruptions.

I got home last night, and now it's back to school and work and trying to make it through it all. Life is moving fast.

Starting New Adventures...they don't always go so well...

So I’ve started taking fertility drugs (Clomid). As of Sunday I was 2 weeks past my period time (excuse the awesome technical wording I don’t use) I had spent the past week throwing up my dinners after they hit my stomach. I was sooo tired. I was getting super excited because I felt pregnant. I knew I was pregnant. I started talking to my stomach like I was pregnant. I’ve been trying for abt 5 years to get pregnant. So to say I was excited would be an understatement. On Friday (Aspens Birthday) We started our adventure to St. George. I threw up my dinners on this trip too. We spent a lot of car time. We spent a lot of standing time at the air show. We had SOOOO much fun. I sat in a hot tub for just a little while Saturday night, trying not to spend too long in there…since Hot tubs aren’t good for pregnant women apparently. Ashton spent time teaching Aspen how to swim! It was sooo cute and we had such a fun time. We went back to our room and showered. I saw a tiny spot of blood and didn’t think much of it. I couldn’t even tell if it was blood. During the night I started cramping. Bad cramping. I started bleeding a little. I slept in the car. I cramped. We got to Purcells and I could barely breath through the pain. I tried to walk up the stairs and had to stop because my cramps were so bad. I still had hope. I had a period when I was pregnant with Aspen. We got home. I did nothing but sit on the couch. I still had hope. My cramps were so bad during the night I couldn’t sleep. Got up in the morning, sat on the toilet, and I felt it slide right out. If you put the long dark clot all together, it was maybe the size of an Apple. I bled quite a bit for the next few hours, then it just kinda quit, now I’m just back to spotting. No more throw up after dinner. No more baby excitement. Just back to square one. Maybe next month will be more productive.

Yes, I wrote that all in short sentences. That’s how I feel right now. Just short sentenced. I’m not depressed (Well, I might have been yesterday, and I might have just slept and watched movies) but today I’m not. Today I’m back to being hopeful. Hopeful that next month is going to be better. It’s better then no pregnancy. But a baby would have been better then no baby.

I will admit, each time I hear someone announce they are pregnant, for a minute jealousy and anger sweeps through me. Then I’m happy for them. Sad for me. But lifes not fun if you keep being sad, so I choose not to. I just keep moving on and doing the best I can. I figure God must have a reason for it.

Happy 6th birthday to my baby

Today is Aspens 6th birthday. It's hard to believe that 6 years ago I had a tiny preemie baby. She has been the best thing to happen to Ashton and I. We love the heck out of that little girl. She is the sweetest little thing and so stinkin smart she blows us away. I tried to make her shamrock cupcakes, but I failed, and turned them into nest eggs. haha. I will post photos. I had all these great plans I wanted to do like other moms do, decorations, awesome birthday surprise ideas, great looking decorated presents and cakes. I felt a little like a failure because I didn't get to do hardly anything really. We were getting ready to leave to St. George today, and when I went to the store, they only had easter things out, no st. paddys day...I waited a little too long to get them I guess. Next year I guess. We are going to the air show tomorrow in St. George with Ashton's friends Jim and Maggie. And tonight we went to Chuckie Cheese...none of us had ever been there before. Aspen had a blast. I just hope she knows how much I truly love and care for her. It makes me super sad my little one is growing up so quickly. It makes it worse that I only have one child. I miss having a little one, but I love watching her grow up and seeing how smart she is. I will post photos after our trip.

Little happy moments

Gonna brag a little today! Scott Bourne called me today and it made my day! If you don't know Scott Bourne you should! He has a big heart, and he's an AMAZING photographer! check some of his stuff out at http://scottbourne.smugmug.com or http://vimeo.com/scottbourne or www.juicemagazine.com/SCOTTBOURNE.html

they are all great ways to learn about this amazing guy!

Did I mention he's like a millionaire and so big in the photo world and made time for ME!? SOOO cool!!!

I met him at WPPI going pro bootcamp, and he was so genuinely kind and fun to learn from, He gave me great hugs and he was sincerely interested in us as photographers and helping us grow. I sent him a thank you note, and he called me up today to thank me for it. I don't even know how he got my phone number! So cool! If you are a photographer and ever get a chance to learn from him, I suggest it! Incredible!