growing up...hahaha

So the past couple months so many things have happened, and I rarely get time to write about them. I'm going to go ahead and be my Type 3 self (Carol Tuttle - it's just my nature) and bullet point it all.

* Started my job as a photo assistant at Icon in February
* promoted to Photographer in March
* went on a business trip to San Diego for a week in April
* had my niece Nikki move in with us for the summer in May
* My grandma Peck died in June
* this month I finally took the time to look up online (hahahahaha) how to wash clothes the right way! ah hahaha!!! When I lived with Veda Salisbury I know it drove her crazy that I didn't separate my clothes to wash them. It's not that my mom never tried to teach me to wash my clothes the right way, I'm just EXTREMELY stubborn and have to come about things in my own time and way. It's a horrible personality thing...I can't seem to shake it though I'm working on it. I'm trying to be more open to what others have to teach me. I admit with Shame that I am so stubborn about doing things anything but my way. Working at Icon and having to learn from others has been a blessing for me.

So now I know how to do my laundry the RIGHT way, and get my whites white! Are you so proud of me? seriously, you can judge me all you want. I'm almost 27 and I've never washed my clothes the right way. How sad is that? I was terribly embarrassed to even post about it. But I laughed so hard at myself watching the video clips on youtube about how to wash your clothes that I just had to share. Thanks Veda for TRYING to teach me! I'm just a stubborn soul who hates to admit I don't know something.

Aspen is so much fun lately. And she is also such a stink lately. She throws fits like a crazy girl. But she also has a huge heart and gives the best loves. She loves to do puzzles, and is really good at them. She's up to doing 100 piece puzzles, at age 4!!! She blows us away. She likes to learn big words and what they mean, and she gets really good at using them in sentences, thanks to her very smart dad. She likes math and when we went to the grocery store the other day I put in some milk and she said "how much does that cost?" I said about $3, and then I put in some whip cream, and she said "how much does that cost" and I said "About $2". and after a minute she says, That means it all costs $5!! she was very excited about figuring it out. She is gonna be WAY smarter than me. She blows us away so often. I love her more than life. We spent the day at Bear Lake the other day, and she had so much fun, she even went out kyaking with her dad and loved it. She is sporty, she dances, and she LOVES LOVES singing. She has a gorgeous voice that is very on tune for a 4 year old. She can scowl like nothin else though. She has a temper and hates when she can't be in charge and make the rules. But I wouldn't trade her for anything!

Lifes pretty good right now. I love not doing my virtual business. I'm at peace for the first time in years! I'm still doing a small portion of it that takes me 2 days of the month, because I can't bare to let it ALL go, but I got rid of all the people that were dishonest, or people who wore me down to work for, and I don't do any mailings anymore, which is a BIG relief. I still like designing, but I like doing it when I want, rather than HAVING to.

I always do these huge long posts. I really should post more often so I don't have so much to say...

me and this and that

I don't often post much about Ashton and I...as far as our relationship goes. I read all these blogs where women talk about their husbands and how much they love them, etc. And then I feel like a shmuck of a wife. Let's not even get started on the blogs that talk about being stay at home moms...

The fact of the matter is...marriage has not been easy for us. And I know everyone has marriage struggles. However, not everyone (Some...) has their husband leave after three months of marriage, and come home a year and a half later to a one year old. Nor has everyone (Some...) had to have a baby alone while their husband is sacrificing for our country - and raise it for the first year by themselves. Now I'm not whining. It is what it is and we have pulled through. I'm just saying it hasn't been even slightly easy...we didn't get that "Honeymoon year" newlyweds experience. In fact, we haven't ever gotten that "Honeymoon" phase at all. And I think it's needed in marriages.

It's taken us time...a lot of time...to get to know each other again. It's a lot more complicated when you have a child who interrupts you everytime you try to talk to one another. We both changed a TON when Ashton went to Iraq. And things haven't always been great. But we have worked hard at it and it's starting to pay off. Let me tell you a little about my husband. Since you probably won't ever hear him talk much if you meet him. He's SMART! SUPER smart in fact. He is a hard worker, he's a great father...he knows how to set rules and boundaries. Something I am not great at. He cooks - he has NEVER ONCE in our whole marriage complained that I do NOT cook. I've only cooked maybe 10 meals in our 5 years of marriage. The rest has been him. He's a fantastic cook. He cans! Seriously, the guy does all our food storage, and he's GOOD at it. He does our grocery shopping. He cleans (not great at getting the clothes folded :0) but he's actually been working on that (and let's face it...I don't fold clothes either very often. Let's not even get started at what I'm not good at...toilets, mirrors...and so on...) He knows how to make beautiful furniture, he tries hard to make me happy, and supports me in all my crazy ideas and talents. He fills up my tank with gas when it's low because he knows I hate to do it. He lets me sleep practically on top of him all night because I like to snuggle really close when I sleep. He thinks I can do anything I set my mind to, he listens to me talk non stop. He GARDENS and loves it. I can't keep anything alive. He takes out the trash every Sunday night. He makes me crepes on Sundays because he knows I love them. With real whipped cream, and strawberries. He teaches Aspen big words and how to do math...at 4! And my favorite thing...he is super funny when he does talk. He always makes me laugh out loud.

All I can say is I'm spoiled. I'm thankful he's willing to work on our marriage. I'm thankful he is patient with me because I can be very thick headed and stubborn as all get out. I'm thankful that he loves me. I love him! He's been fantastic to Aspen and I, and works hard to make us happy. I just hope that I do something for him...because when I stop to look at it all...it looks like he does it all, and I'm not so sure what I do to deserve him.

I've been in a little bit of a slump the past few days. I quit my Virtual Assisting business...after 15 YEARS! I just decided that coming home from work and still having more work to do was NOT worth it. I wanted time with Aspen in the evenings. Now it means tighter budgeting though, and I'm sure it will be worth it...but it's hard when you get use to living one way and have to do it a different way. I need to go through and figure out what we need to cut out (besides all our going out to eat...) I also have really been wanting to decorate and organize our house, but I'm retarded when it comes to decorating-especially on a budget. I wish I had a good eye for things like that...and that I could sew to make things, or knew how to shop smart so I can find things to organize with for cheap. Ugh. I need to develop some new talents. It's going to be a fresh start this year for me, so maybe I'll get a break and be able to work on other things besides my computer for the first time in 15 years!! It will be fantastic!!

Anyway, just had a lot on my mind today.

104 is long enough

Well, Grandma passed away today at 104...only 5 months away from being 105. I don't have a lot to say about it today. I will later though. Today, I just want to be happy and sad....happy that after all these many years, she is finally home with her husband, and her son, my father. I'm sad because there is one more hole in my heart. It's strange to feel the emptiness that comes with each person I love that passes on. I don't like death. I know that there is life after death, and we return to our father in heaven, and it's a happy thing, but I hate feeling like I am left behind, and the "someday" that we will be together again seems so far away at this moment. I will miss her so much. I love her very very much, she has always held a special place in my heart, and holding her hand has always comforted me.

I don't have anything else to say today, it's too close too soon. But soon I will share my story of this week.

I love you Grandma. I'm so glad you get to be at peace now!