Goodbye 2009 - time never slows for long

Bare with me. I sometimes don't dare post how I really feel on here, but today, I just feel like I should. Maybe it's because I'm ready for an out for 2009...a final goodbye to it if you will. If you are looking for an uplifting post, I don't promise one.

It's often hard for me to express my feelings. I struggle to put into words how I feel without sounding stupid. And I usually don't express my feelings and hard times, because I have no desire to hear others pity or what they think about my life and what I'm going through. And I rarely go into detail about what I'm talking about because I like my privacy I suppose. Or I hate to be judged by others. Either way.

This year nothing fantastic really happened. Thinking back on the year, I can't remember anything glorious happening, or anything super hard happening. It was a relatively easy year, other than the frusterations of not being able to get pregnant for the umpteenth month in a row, and my cousin dieing in a car accident, Aspen growing older every day, and school keeping us incredibly busy, hardly ever seeing my husband, and dealing with a little depression...though you'd never know it because I never talk about it. I usually can overcome depression rather quickly, so I don't stress it.

I hope the last month of this year is NOT a sign of things to come for 2010. Christmas morning was great. I had a fantastic time, and we were very blessed. Christmas night sucked. Among other reasons I won't get into, Aspen was sick, and that always sucks. I really wanted this years Christmas to be/feel special. I crave every year to have a time when Christmas can just FEEL like it's supposed to, and it started out that way- I thought we'd make it happen. I love spending time with family, and I love singing carols, sitting around a lighted Christmas tree, eating yummy food, playing games, enjoying the spirit of Christmas, family. The Season started out right...I got my decorations put up early, and I was excited about the time to spend with family. Maybe my expectations are too high and that's why It didn't turn out how I wanted it to...but regardless, it just wasn't how I had hoped. It's looking so far like New Years Eve is happening pretty much the same. Kinda a bummer. Like I said. I hope it's not a sign of things to come this year.

If I could have my wish for the Season, it would be that we'd just have Peace on Earth. I have been craving peace so much lately it's made my heart ache. I just want everyone to be happy, I want everyone to love each other equally and for there to just be no contention, no drugs, no alcohol...no hate and crime. In many ways I can't wait for the 2nd coming when we will have a thousand years of peace. I can't imagine anything better than that. I understand why my dad struggled so much when he was alive. He never wanted to live long, because he wanted to be somewhere where there was just PEACE. I use to be angry at him when he'd say stuff like that because it sounded to me like he didn't want to be here on Earth with us. Now I understand more and more why he felt that way. It gets to a point where it is just exhausting to not have that peace, and not be able to just feel happy with the way things are.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for so much, and the year wasn't bad at all. It wasn't eventful, which isn't always bad, but it wasn't anything special either. If nothing else, I do feel like my personal relationship with God has grown this year. I've been feeling so much closer to him then ever before in my life, and nothing significant brought it on, other than bouts of lonliness. And I guess that's no small thing. I haven't always felt that God knew me that well, or that he took any special interest in me. I only felt like someone who just existed. But I'm thankful for the little knowledge I have that he knows ME.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that it's a great year for everyone. And I hope we can all reach out and spread a little PEACE ON EARTH and GOOD WILL TO MEN in 2010!

Things that happened in 2009:January: started photo 2 - that was fun!
Aspen let me know that me being PROUD of her was more important to her than me telling her she had done a good job.
February: Aspen grew a love for tinkerbell
I got my first J.O.B since getting married (NOT working from home) doing tutoring at a middle school...only did this for a couple months...too hard to have 2 jobs, be full time student and mommy...
my first time going to the bathroom in a MENS bathroom...ugh
Our 4th Anniversary
grew in leaps and bounds in my photography.
March: Aspen turned 3! and Ashton turned 26!
April: I don't remember anything happening in April...must have been very uneventful
May: My brother had his first child...the cuter than cute CASH RALPH
June: It was kinda a downer month for me...but we did get my moms back yard all done and looking great for her
July:Ashton went to Army for 2 weeks, and then the day after he got home we went to Yellowstone with his family.
August: Aspen started Dance Lessons
Peck Family reunion in Bear Lake - my mom went on a wave runner for her first time. So funny!
September: Started ZUMBA dancing. The BEST outlet I've had in years. I LOVE it
We got family pictures
Started my Holocaust Assignment
October: Sucked. Plain and simple. Found out that not everyone you trust is trustworthy.
Aspen's first year REALLY trick or treating. She LOVED it.
November: Spent a LOT of time with Marissa Reeder who I use to babysit who posed for a project I was working on. It was a ton of fun.
My cousin Hannah Chesley passed away in a car accident.
I dyed my hair dark brown in order to be Audrey Hepburn for a photo shoot. and I LOVE it. I've always wanted to be a burnette.
Decorated for Christmas - first time having it up before the week BEFORE Christmas
December: Christmas. Went ot lots of movies, enjoyed a lot of reading...something I never get time to do.
Aspen got her first REAL haircut - I'm tired of the screaming everytime I try to pull it up out of her face
Aspen realized who "Santa" was and wrote him a letter for Christmas asking for an Butterfly Catcher Net "Bachine". After finally figuring out WHAT in the world that was..."Santa" was able to find it for her, and she was SOOO excited when she opened it.

That's it. That was our year.

Learning Christmas Songs

So Aspen has been singing Christmas songs ALL month. ALL day. Never mind that she rarely gets ALL the words right, she knows the tunes, and the chorus, and that's what counts. Tonight she was singing:

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town. He see's you when he WANTS to...and so on. We burst out laughing. I guess she has the right idea at least. He does see us when he WANTS to.

Then she requested to sing Oh little town of bethlement.

I love when they are just learning, and say funny things. It's so much fun. Tonight was the Call family Christmas Eve get together. We eat yummy food...bread bowls, finger foods, appetizers, and sit around and visit, then Grandpa Call usually reads the Christmas Story to us and we sit around and sing carols. It's a lot of fun. But this year everyone left early except My two sister in laws, and my mother in law of course, and Ashton and I. It was a little depressing. But we stayed and read the Christmas Story with Aspen, my mother in law, and sister in laws. After all...isn't that what Christmas is about? It's sad when we get too busy, or in too much of a hurry to stop and remember what this season is really about. Celebrating Christ in our lives. I hope I never forget to stop and give the REASON for the SEASON some time.

I have a belief in Christ. I am eternally thankful to him for his sacrifice so that I could be forgiven of my many wrong doings. And I wouldn't trade anything for the comfort and peace that this Gospel...HIS Gospel, gives to me. It's everything in this world that actually means something and holds value for me. I'm so blessed to have the knowlege of HIM that I do. I KNOW he lives, I KNOW he loves me, and I KNOW that it is BECAUSE of HIM that we can all return to live with our Heavenly Father and loved ones again someday.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Miss you Daddy...as always!

1st times

We took Aspen sledding for her 1st time at Old Main Hill. She thought it was fun...we thought it was a little scary. It was pure ice, and nothing at the bottom to stop us. We found a grassy spot to sled into so we didn't get close to the road. She had so much fun with it.



Then yesterday we took her skiing for the first time. She had so much fun, and was really good at it. For the first little while Ashton held onto a harness attached to her while she went down the hill, then we took it off and I stood at the bottom (It was a little hill they have at Little Beaver now) to stop her if she couldn't stop herself. She thought it was great and she snow plowed really well. She only fell once really, and cried for a little bit, but got back up and tried again. She tried to go down a bigger hill with Daddy, but it was a little too scary for her, so he ended up skiing down with her in his arms. I didn't ski, but I watched, and I was so proud of how well she did. She is growing so fast, and sometimes when I hug her now, I hold on a little longer, because I know this time isn't going to last forever.

I'm dreaming of a Redneck Christmas

So we took Aspen sledding for her first time to Old Main Hill. She had a blast. Then we look over and see the most redneck thing I've seen in Cache Valley. A bunch of boys had put skis on the bottom of a couch and were pushing the couch to the top of the hill to sled down. STUPID. We don't say stupid at our house. But we took the moment to let Aspen know that if ever we DID say STUPID, this would be the moment. So I'm posting it for all to see...Seriously...they almost hit a dad and his little boy. STUPID.

Christmas Stories

I LOVE Christmas stories!! I try to read them - any I can get my hands on - all throughout the Holidays. I read one today I wanted to share. It touched my heart. It's a little long, so if you don't want to read it, that's okay, skip to the end and I will make my notes.

It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so. It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas---oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it- overspending... the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else. Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike.

The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church, mostly black. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat. Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids-all kids-and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came.

That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition- one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on. The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents. As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure.

The story doesn't end there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope. Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us. May we all remember Christ, who is the reason for the season, and the true Christmas spirit this year and always. God bless---pass this along to your friends and loved ones.


I love to think of others. I want so badly for all the world to love one another, and for there to just be peace on earth. I'm very passionate about this, and have been very emotional about it for some reason this year. I can't wait to have peace restored to the earth.

To focus more on others this year, we had Aspen tell us a couple gifts she wanted from Santa...then tell us gifts she wanted to GIVE to others. It helped her to think of others more, and helped us to teach her the importance of thinking of others instead of just ourselves.

Happy Holidays to you all. I'm thankful for all my family and friends. Who knows when I will get time to post again. If you want a Christmas Letter from us, email me and let me know your address.

Holocaust Project

Here are my Holocaust photos. Each set is based on True Holocaust stories. This was a very emotional project. It was hard to do. It was even harder to present in front of the class and talk about it. It was really good for me though. I enjoyed it.

Pseudo Reality - Bride Project

Thanks to Marissa for being so sweet to model for me! She put in some LONG days. From early morning to night, and I had a blast with her. I hope she knows how much I appreciated her sacrifice, and she had to freeze so many times poor thing! She was the best model though, and so beautiful! Enjoy the photos. It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. The one with Aspen licking the dress...that was totally unplanned, and we laughed so hard. It was so funny. She was supposed to be squeezing chocolate syrup on the dress, and when she was done, she started licking it funny girl. She is such a good sport to model for me, and she listens so well. I love her so much. The one with the "mud" on it was an accident too...I reached in and grabbed a handful of "mud" to smear on the dress...and if it being freezing cold water wasn't enough, it was not "mud"! oh no! It was DUCK POOP!! Ick! It smelled horrible, and it was green and nasty. The dress stunk the rest of the day. Then poor Marissa had to climb in the bath in the stinky dirty dress! She was again...fantastic! Thanks also to Michelle Nilson my fantastic friend, who is always so willing to show up for me whenever I need someone. She spent most the morning helping me out to do the photo shoots. she'd help Risa get dressed, get positioned, helped me carry lights, gave me ideas, she was the best! I love and appreciate her friendship so much! Thanks girl!

Finals week!!!!!!!!!

It's finals week for me. I will be done with classes on the 8th. Woo hoo! It is going to be a very busy hard week though. My mom took Aspen to Arizona with her for the week. I will miss her a lot, but it's a big help to have her being cared for so I can focus on my studies this week. I have the best mom in the world.

On a sadder note, my cousin (my fathers nieve) passed away this morning. She was in a car accident, and was in a coma for a couple of days. It's been really sad here.

I will check back in when I finish my finals, and I will have new pics to post.

Have a happy week!