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Building Esteem

Esteem: The regard in which one is held.

We often hear and talk about Self-Esteem, but not often of Esteem - especially in regards to oneself. I have been working on my Esteem. Not just my SELF esteem, but how others view me, the regard to which OTHERS hold me.

I've been very introverted lately and trying to look outside myself, see what others see in me. Am I a needy person? Am I an energy drainer? Am I a downer? Am I conscious of other's feelings and insecurities? Do I try to make others feel comfortable, or do I purposefully try to "Rock the boat" for a little enjoyment? Am I my own problem.

The answer is probably partially yes to all of those, and partially no. Ha. Doesn't make much sense I'm sure.

The fact of the matter is, I want to be everything great. I want others to see me as great. But I have weaknesses just like the next person. I want to be held in high esteem and seen as a fantastic, wonderful person, and I do hope that a little of that shines through. I'm going to keep working on my "Esteem" and think more outwardly about how others are viewing me, and check myself if I am acting as a person who uplifts others, and try to rock the boat a little less.

Just some thoughts. Now on to SELF esteem.

I think that while building esteem and seeing how others see us is important, I also think that we do better at that when we feel good about ourselves. So here are some things I have been working on to build my self esteem:

Praying more often to God.
Running - hate it, but ran 2 miles yesterday. Go me. This will build my self image esteem!
Spending quality time with Aspen. Reading, playing games, talking and listening.
Talking a little less and thinking a little more.
Trying to put myself in other people "Shoes" be conscious of why they are the way they are
Putting on a little makeup. A little paint always makes an old barn look great!
Making a few less "to do lists" an living in the moment a little more.

Silly Complaint

Ok, so any of you who really know me, know that I am not the MOST diligent church goer in history. I try hard, and I make it to sacrament most ALL the time, but usually I give up and go home after that. It's not that I don't have a strong enough testimony. I have a great testimony. Just not so much about attending all my meetings. However, I've really been working on it this past year and trying to get past my boredom and find something for myself in each lesson being taught. I've even been trying to get more envolved in church activities and been more active in getting to know the ward members. I joined my ward Volley ball team. We are joined with another ward, sadly I'm the only one from my ward who has been attending, but oh well. Last week we were short a team member, so this week I invited my sister Shenla, who is definitely not active, and really struggles with the church, but I've been trying to introduce her to good people in the church and show her that they have fun too, and that they are nice good people to hang around. Well tonight I was really dissapointed in some of the people in the LDS church. The team we were playing against only had 5 people show up, and our team had 7 this week, which by the rules, meant that someone would have to sit out for each game. Since Shenla was the visitor, she felt like she needed to sit out and just watch. I didn't want her to do that because I wanted her to have fun and enjoy it. So I asked the other team if someone from our team could play on their team since they only had 5, so no one would have to sit out of the game. One of the ladies said, "no, this is an official game, ward members have to play with ward members". I was shocked and upset. After all, this is CHURCH BALL for heaven's sake! And Shenla was shocked and thought that Mormons are taught to reach out and embrace one another. Which is my understanding too. I know that not everyone in the church in like this, but honestly, when I went through my struggles with the church, the people were a big reason for that. Thank goodness I had a mutual leader who told me that church is for sinners, not saints. But it made me sad all the same. I go to church for me, and for my testimony and my relationship with God. But it sure would be nice if everyone would just have open arms for each other, and be a help meet for each other.

I'm sorry if it seems like a silly complaint, but it meant a lot to me. I really wanted my sister to feel welcome and see how much clean fun she could have, but her comment to me on our way out was, "When I'm at a party on a beach and people we don't know are playing volleyball, they just invite us to come play, they don't care how "official" they are playing a game. Everyone is welcome. I feel more welcome there than I did here." It was a good lesson to me to always stay on my toes with being kind and have open arms for anyone and everyone around me. You never know how your actions will effect how they see you or the religion you belong to.

Anyhow, just something to think about. Now I will get over it and forgive that team and move on. And you can bet if anyone ever asks to play volleyball on my team, I will embrace them with open arms and give them my spot if I need to!

3 things I wouldn't have done tonight if...

I was taking classes this semester.

1. Danced to the Irish Rovers and Wicked soundtrack with Aspen & Audrey(Aspens friend) in the Kitchen. Each of us taking a turn being the "leader"

2. Had time to go running with Aspen. We've started going running together at night and I am surprised at how well she keeps up.

3. Had a stress free night just enjoying my little girl and singing songs at the top of our lungs!

A day of Aspen

Aspen and I spent the morning taking photos of her...or at least TRYING to take photos of her. I wanted to do some nice classy cute photos...she wanted to play dress up for every photo. After butting heads and getting annoyed with each other, I realized why I never take her photos. I want it my way, she wants it hers. We are both extremely STUBBORN. She will stomp her foot, I will stomp mine, she will scream, I will scream, She will pull her hair out, I will pull my hair out. Then we are both just annoyed for the day with each other. With anyone but me, she will do what they ask her to for photos. With me, no way. I can take photos of any other children easily, but not my own. Oh well. We compromised and she got fun photos, I got cute photos, and we ended the day with a hug and kiss. And just a few tears on both ends. Glorious day indeed. Ok, just kidding about the tears on both ends. It was just me. Aspen won out because I didn't have the energy to make her do what I wanted. I will post some when I've dried my mental tears. That's the problem with being a perfectionist!