Hard Knocks of Life

A lot of things are going on lately. Too much to blog about really, and probably too personal. But what I did want to blog about is my upcoming birthday! 27! seriously!? where, WHERE, WHere??? did time go? I don't feel at all like I have accomplished what I thought I would by the time I was 27. I had so many dreams and aspirations. Here is what I thought I would do but didn't, and here is what I have accomplished.

I thought I would be a psychologist, a counselor, went to 2 years of college for it then dropped out for 7 years
I thought I would be done with college by now...should be.
I thought I would have 3 children by now...each 2 years apart
I thought I would be in a better place in life then I am currently at
I thought I would be running a successful business from home
I thought I would still have both parents around being fantastic grandparents
I thought my dad and I would finally be great friends since I was finally done with my teen rebellion stage
I thought I would be a great mom who spends a lot of quality/quantity time with her kids
I thought I would have bettered myself and made the time to get closer to God
I thought I would have close girl friends who I did things with - who's kids would play with mine, and we'd hang out
I thought I would have a home instead of be renting
I thought I would keep my great singing voice I had when I was younger
I thought I would always have my wonderful size 3/4 body I had when I got married.
I thought I could get away without getting varicose veins - or my boobs sagging - or my thighs growing - wrong
I thought I would finally be totally happy

And some other personal thoughts

And here is what has happened

I am at least going to school to be something I enjoy
I have a fun photography J.O.B. that pays crap but it's SOOO fun - and I get to use what I'm going to school for
I have a beautiful almost 5 year old daughter who is SOOOO smart it blows me away
I have learned to love. Especially those who are going through trials and make mistakes
I have surprised myself with how well I have been able to learn and achieve some school projects - like drawing...who would have known I could draw decently well? not me, that's for sure
I have been a nicer mom then I thought I would be. She melts my heart and I admit...I am not a discipliner.
I have maybe 3 CLOSE friends who I feel safe with and like I can tell anything to. Wish I had more, but I'm hard to make friends with. Those who stick with me and push themselves into my life when I'm pushing away and are always honest with me even when it hurts usually become my best friends.
I survived my husbands deployment when I thought I'd be depressed and "never get through it"
I have become great friends with my mom
I have gotten straight A's while being in college 2 times now
I have the opportunity to dance while being a mom thanks to Zumba
I have learned to do things I never dreamed I could do...websites, photography, cooking (kinda)
We have managed to get out of the big debt we had and now only have a little of the large amount left to pay off
I have found my own relationship with God, and how to talk to him in my own way - and how to "hear" him
I have learned how much I long for a close family and how much I wish I had enjoyed my family time when I was younger more. I had no idea the day would come when I'd no longer see my siblings except for once a year
I have learned how to forgive and do it quickly. Everyone makes BIG mistakes, and EVERYONE has struggles bigger than what you see on the outside.
I have learned to embrace my rather perky J-Lo booty. I have realized I can't be the size 2 or even the size 4 that some girls are. I am curvy, and I just have to love it and keep it toned.
I have learned to accept myself more. I can't be perfect. It's just not gonna happen.
I have learned that by making the Christmas Season last just a little longer, enjoying it rather then rushing it, setting up the Christmas Tree and listening to Christmas before Thanksgiving is okay, and even makes me a better person. I'm happier. I don't care at all when people say you should wait till after thanksgiving. I think it makes Thanksgiving that much better!
I have learned that not everyone will like me. Some will talk mean or do mean dishonest things to me. It's ok.
I have learned that if I care about someone, and truly listen to them, I can feel their happiness and their pain. And I might even be able to lend a shoulder to cry on.
I have learned to hug those I love every opportunity I get. You never know when they will be gone.
Getting older kinda sucks...and yet I love what I know now over what I didn't know then.
A girl really does need her daddy.
It's ok to cry - if I could ever get the tears to come that is...

So it hasn't all been bad. I'm not where I thought I would be, but it's ok. I'm learning and growing, and that's what matters. And most things I wouldn't change. Especially the arrival of Aspen. She was a surprise, but the best thing in my life. I love her with all my heart.