One of those days...er years....er lives

Ever have the feeling life is passing you by, and no matter how hard you try to hold on, it doesn't stop long enough for you to even catch your breath, or remember what your dreams use to be, or leave you time to spend with the one's you love, your friends, family, or give you time to remember what it was like when your dad was alive, and the memories you had? Or how about when you look at your child and realize that you don't even remember what you were doing with them at this time last year...or realize how much they REALLY have grown...their hair is longer, they are a lot smarter and faster, and understanding.

I usually feel like this on an everyday basis, and though I count my blessings daily, I still at the end of the day feel like something is missing. Like something passed me by. I feel lost most times, and wonder how I got to where I am, and why I haven't been able to accomplish all I once wanted to do and be and see, and places I wanted to go. As a child I thought everything was SOOOO slow...I wanted so much to GROW UP! I felt held back as a child, and now I'd give anything to go back and enjoy more, hold on to more memories, live life a little fuller, feel less sorry for myself and feel more love and acceptance for others. So many times I feel like I could have done more or been more with my life. At the end of the day I wonder where I am. What I've accomplished. Where I'm going. It all feels like a blur.

I have so many things I wish I could do, or learn, or have the time for. Dreams that I feel like I never even get to take out of the box...things I wonder if I will ever have time to do or learn. Well, I know I sound like I'm being depressing. I'm not. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I'm thinking realistically.

Anyway, after all my long ramblings about how I feel about life...here is my "Bucket List"

1. Go on a Cruise (I love to travel, and would spend a month or more in Europe if I could afford it)
2. Make it to Ireland someday to see where my relatives the Gagans' grew up.
3. Have at least one more child...hopefully we will get blessed with one
4. Be able to afford a really nice Camera and a Studio
5. Own a Toyota Tacoma 4 door
6. Spend time just sitting around with my loved ones ALL together for a day (Very hard thing to get us ALL together...)
7. Go on a trip with my best friends...I am the type that loves my close friends as much as I love my family
8. Write a book.
9. Learn to be a photoshop pro - tap into my creativity somehow
10. Skydiving, scuba diving, swim with dolphins, and parasail
11. Not HAVE to work anymore
12. Have my photography published in a magazine someday
13. Learn to play the piano
14. learn to build furniture (I LOVE furniture - good thing I married someone so fantastic and handy at building things!)
15. Be completely out of dept and be able to afford what we'd like...and to be able to afford to give to charities...maybe work in an orphanage somewhere someday.
16. live in a world of peace - where everyone is kind and loves one another equally, and does for each other equally.

I have many more dreams...but those are a few that really stand out in my mind. And that's my rambling for the day.